These Wonder Years

November 03, 2017

The Maternity Leave Reality

My No.1 hobby on Maternity Leave fast became photographing my new pride & joy

This time last year was the month I had been building up to all year- the start of my Maternity Leave. With any discussion of Maternity Leave comes advice flooding in from past maternity leavers and fellow parents and so you paint a picture of your plans.

In those first few weeks off work in late pregnancy, you imagine you will paint a nursery, read 6 books with your feet up drinking hot tea, clear out every cupboard in your house and clean all the skirting boards on your ‘nesting’ expedition, with regular date nights thrown in for good measure.

The end of my pregnancy was the Christmas
period. That, combined with Pippa
arriving 2 weeks early made it fly in! I
never got to that 'fed up' stage

In reality, you spend those 4-6 weeks (which feel like 2) packing and unpacking a hospital bag 16 times, browsing Mamas & Papas shelves and website so often that you could excel in a special edition memory game episode and attending Parentcraft/Hypnobirthing classes, which fast become date night (NB to pregnant Mamas- if you book a hospital beside a McDonalds, this may guarantee you a sneaky McFlurry as part of this- no birthing partner will begrudge a rocky hormonal Mama this luxury).

Those Early days

Look at those eyes! Those of a
sleep deprived Mama. But when
I look at this photo, I see that
smile first & that perfect tiny
bundle that is SO worth it!

Women often asked me in work ‘what time will the Midwife come out so I can be up and ready?’ I would reassure them that the Midwife ringing the doorbell should be their wakeup call and not to worry or rush. I was a prime example of this, setting my alarm the night I got home from hospital. After a few days of the realisation that I actually had a 2 hourly little human alarm and I would never need my IPhone again, my Midwife didn't see me dressed or with makeup on until the day she discharged me, which speaks volumes really (a dollop of war paint can work wonders)!

You imagine that when the baby arrives, you will make brownies for your visitors with all your free time, make scrapbooks of baby photos and memories and have packed lunches and hot dinners prepared for your Husband every day while you’re off work (HA HA HA). The reality of this situation is that there is not much time left in the day when you've been breastfeeding for (what feels like) 18 out of 24 hours of they day, living off kit kats as you have no free hands (but become expert at opening a biscuit with one hand and a baby stuck to your boob), whilst becoming PA, organising time slots for visitors and hoping they bring food or make a cup of tea when they arrive.

Surely PJs & matching fluffy dressing
gowns can be excused due to cuteness?

My advice to you is try not to worry, we've all been there. You will likely experience sheer panic when your Husband tells you at 3pm he's finishing work early and you decide you should really get dressed and brush your teeth! But in fact, he’ll likely not notice as he is possibly just as/even more delirious than you after his sleepless night and days work.

When the postman rings the doorbell in the afternoon and you're in your PJs, don't fret! Just bring the baby to the door with you as a distraction/mutual non-judgemental understanding.

And most importantly, don’t fib at what you’ve been up to as a few months down the line, when your baby recognises the Abbeycentre car park and dances to the ‘Friends’ theme tune (at least it's not Jeremy Kyle!), your family will know how you've spent most of your days.

The new social scene

A good friend recently described our Motherhood social scene as ‘Wh***ing and touring’ around Mother baby groups (LOL). And I couldn't describe it better myself. Between us, we could write a magazine of reviews on baby groups. From sensory and swimming classes to sling meets and breastfeeding appreciation groups, we really have tried them all. Such classes are vital to a new Mum and worth their weight in gold. Not only do they encourage new skills, bonding and stimulation, they give you a reason to get dressed for the day and out for some social interaction, often resulting in some much needed new friendship circles and a whatsapp group or two for empathising and comparing notes.

In those early days, morning plans can seem overwhelming and may well be, but you find your flow as the weeks go on and you will soon work it out. A 10am start calls for a night before prep extravaganza; the kind that involves both our outfits hanging on the door and packing the baby bag that I could actually live off for a week in Spain if I needed to. Note- when baby is weaned onto solids, you need to up your game as then you need to fit in an extra little persons breakfast and a packed lunch.

Comes at a cost

Although a years maternity leave sounds luxurious, it comes at a cost- living off less money (a lot less). I reckon new Mums spend most of their first few maternity pay cheques on Lansinoh nipple cream (£12 a pop), shares in Dry Shampoo and multiple versions of ‘Sophie Giraffe.’ Meanwhile, I haven't bought myself a pair of jeans in over a year and my car hasn't been washed in 6 months. Overnight breastfeeding online shopping becomes something that requires an intervention!

One of our many Maternity leave
Mondays spent at 'Baby Sensory'

Which leads me to the type of conversation between us fellow Mamas- tips on making your maternity pay go further in order to blag any extra month off work (worth it!!!). For example, one friend suggested that I regularly skip a day of makeup- each daily application could cost approx £2. Tempting! But a good application of Double Wear hides a multitude of sins and 3 sleepless nights in a row and so can be worth EVERY PENNY! Another included disabling your Wifi overnight so you can’t online shop in your zombie state during the 3am cluster feed session. Or to temporarily stop paying into your pension as we’ll ever make it that far anyway and what would we possibly need to spend our money on then anyway when more importantly atm, Pippa and co. desperately need a Baby Sensory subscription and those overpriced jars of fancy LUSH cream that come with a guarantee of helping your baby to sleep. Am I right? (don't sweat my finance friends- I kept the pension!)

A year on…

My ‘to do’ list a year down the line still involves most of these same abandoned tasks; clearing out my wardrobe and that cupboard under the stairs, making a scrapbook (which is much harder with a velcro baby stuck to my hip) and to read my stack of parenting books. I have been (trying to) read the same book for the past 7 months. All whilst wondering where the last 10 months have gone and how other parents manage to do all of the above AND hold down a job. Most of your maternity leave is spent living from one milestone to another, ‘at 6 months I’ll have lost all my baby weight and at 9 I’ll have decorated my living room.’ But those months fly by and your priorities change.

A year on...'9 months out'

In conclusion

Me & my 'Bestie' on one of our
many Mother Daughter
coffee dates

I make it sound like we've spent a year in the house only venturing as far as Mums and Tots. But we’ve actually had a busy one, with adventures in London, Marbella and many weekend ‘staycations,’ making beautiful memories while not tied down to shift patterns and annual leave requests.

I obviously have been living in my ‘first baby bubble,’ grateful of the (odd) lie in in those early days, not having to change out of our PJs if we don't want to, with no school runs or cabin fever kids. I appreciate that this is a one off experience and so have been lapping it up!

I hang out every day with my wee sidekick who is half me and half the person I love and chose to marry. Nobody in this world loves me nearly as much as she does right now and no other person just tags along with my plans without complaining and is just so grateful to be out with me. So what could be better? Certainly not work!

Until next time,

One emotional, reminiscing, savouring every moment Mama